The chairman of the board of a major record company has a product meeting with his head Artists and Repertoire man.
“Here it is,” says the A&R guy. “Our latest single.”
“Who’s it by.”
“Who knows? Who cares?”
“My board likes to keep up on these things. But no matter; carry on.”
“I forget her name, anyway. She’s got a popular show on YTV and shows up regularly on YouTube and so she already has an audience.”
“That’s what the board likes to hear. Built in sales. No career development required. Little promotion either. Cost minimal. Yep, the board will like it. Who wrote the song?”
“A trio of anonymous Swedes. You know, the kind that writes for Britney.”
“Names?”
“Who knows? Who cares?”
“Producer?”
“Some guy whose name I forget. He might have had something to do with American Idol.”
“So, who knows? Who cares?”
“Right. He plays all the instruments on the track at his own studio.”
“That should also keep the cost down. Can she sing?”
“Who knows? Who cares? Just put her through the auto tuner.”
Does it have a guitar solo?”
“No. Why?”
“Radio programmers might think a guitar means rock. Sax?”
“No sax. Why?”
“Passe. Synthesizer?”
“No synth. So, no gimmicky hook.”
“Too bad.”
“There is a rapper in the middle, though.”
“OK! Rap is the new guitar solo! What’s the rap about?”
“Nothing about Iraq. Nothing much about anything, really.”
“Does he swear?”
“Once, I think. I don’t remember.”
“OK! Could help sell the record. What’s the song about?”
“Nothing about Iraq. Nothing much about anything, really. Who knows?
“Who cares? As long as it has a chant. Chants never fail. Handclaps?”
Yes and yes.”
“Well then, we might have a hit. Does whomever it is have a career?”
“I guess as long as she has a TV show.”
“And if we don’t have a hit?”
“Don’t worry. There’s someone right behind her I’m working with who might.”
“What’s her name?”
“Who knows? Who cares?”
