12 Step Program, part two, chapter thirty-six
Whatever happened to: Bob Jansen
I met Bob at, where else, a Starbucks.
It was on Kingsway, near Boundary. Not too far from where he was living on Smith and a short drive for me. We agreed to meet in the early evening after work. I intentionally arrived early, partly to pick a table but mostly so I could see the traffic coming in the door. For me, this was a momentous occasion, but I didn’t know what to expect. Faded rock star gone to seed? Crotchety old guy with a slow walk and quick temper? Defensive, offensive, a talker or a man of few words?
He wasn’t any of those things, but, if you can imagine, somewhere in the middle.
When he came in, I recognized him immediately, less because he looked like an older version of Bob Jansen, as much as here was somebody who obviously was out of place, on a quest to find who or what.
Bob was average height, maybe 5’10’, kept himself in shape in that there wasn’t much fat on him for someone who must be in his late 60s or early 70s. His hair was grey and thinning but he still needed a brush. Even across the room, Bob’s eyes were clear and piercing.
I stood up at the table, beckoned him over and saw the relief. I think he knew he’d turned another corner in his life and now there was no going back. This was a big commitment.
We stared at each other for a few awkward seconds. I guess he was taking the measure of me, as I was of him. We exchanged the necessary pleasantries and shook hands. We didn’t embrace; that was not Bob’s way.
Before he even sat down, he said, “No.”
“No,” I wondered. “No to what?”
“Sooner or later, you’ll want me to do a performance,” he replied as if he’d been rehearsing this moment. “Can’t do it. Won’t do it.”
This was a blow. I hoped my expression of disappointment wasn’t too obvious.
“I’ve got to admit that was on my mind. I can’t force you. My first aim, though, was to find you and….”
“And I appreciate that. Not only am I. pleasantly surprised that you and a few others remember me but flattered that someone would devote so many years and go to so much trouble to look for me.”
“I just wanted to right what I saw as a wrong.”
“Yeah, but no one said rock and roll was fair. That’s one reason I had to leave.”
“You sound pretty accepting of that idea”
“I’ve had a lot of time. I’ve been Bob Johnson almost longer than I was Bob Jansen.”
“What would’ve changed your mind, what would’ve kept you going?”
“Can’t say for sure. A few more hit songs, maybe. This being written off as a one hit wonder felt at the time like my fate was sealed. I couldn’t stand it. Now, I can.”
.“You aren’t a one hit wonder to me,” I told him. “I’ve got all your records.”
“Well, thank you,” he said, sounding truly flattered. “You and my mother.”
“I like ‘em. They’re about things. They make me think.”
“Really? I wish radio had felt the same way. If it had, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“No, and you might still be singing and recording.”
“Possibly. In an ideal world the band never would have crumbled, Barb would have grown, my manager wouldn’t have had to work so hard to keep my career afloat, maybe I’d be more rebellious, more controversial and out front.…but this isn’t an ideal world. You have to change with it, and I grew tired of that. Now, I’m too old to change even a light bulb.”
“C’mon. You’re never too old….
“To rock and roll? Yeah, I’ve heard that. It applies to The Rolling Stones but not to me.”
“So you won’t sing?”
“No. It would mean going back and I don’t want to go back. Right now, the bad memories outweigh the good.”
i was only 41 when i took my walk. I guess i could have continued long after and still had a career. Look at the guys who are in their 70s and still performing. AT the time I couldn’t go on. I was so disillusioned. I figured i was too old for rock and roll. Maybe if I’d had more hits, established myself as a personality if not a star, a well known figure. Frank Allen was right: So many years have passed I’m a legend.
