12 Step Program, part two, chapter twenty-seven
Whatever happened to: The girlfriend
Like me, Amanda Flynn can’t believe that Bob Jansen is dead, only she can’t prove that he wasn’t murdered or died serving time in prison.
“I don’t know,” she says. “His disappearance happened so long ago it’s a wonder there is any trace of him.”
Amanda walked out on Bob still married but reverted to her maiden name soon after serving the divorce papers, which he signed without any objections. If she’s determined to do this, who am I to stand in the way, he asked?
Amanda already had a plan. She parlayed her experience working in women’s wear at the L.A. department store into promoting the spring line of a local designer. Now, she was a woman for all seasons, travelling all over America, unveiling his latest dresses, sweaters, scarfs, handbags or undergarments. She even went to prestigious fashion shows in London and Paris. These were known as haute couture, but Amanda wasn’t there to compete. She was there to pick up tips – seasonal colours, fabrics, snug, loose, short, long.
The designer would cannibalize these ideas to make them affordable and attractive to the average American woman.
Amanda was less expert on the designs for men, but had an eye for what would last and what would look silly in a few months time. The designer found these opinions invaluable and, soon enough, relied on them.
“In your search, did you notice Bob’s morality, if that’s the word?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“He had a strong sense of right and wrong.”
“Well I discovered that he was kind of aloof.”
“Yeah, reserved. That word has been used a lot. I think it was kind of protection. From being hurt, sucked in, taken advantage of.”
“From that I learned he had a low opinion of women. A low opinion of mankind in general.”
“That was because he didn’t trust women or, more importantly, he didn’t trust himself around women. He was terrible around women. He’d come home with stories about, uh, groupies. Just by the tone of his voice you could tell he didn’t approve.
“When we met at the riot on Sunset, Bob wasn’t protecting me because I was a girl, it was because he thought the cop was wrong. See what I mean about morality?
“Well, what Barb did by having him sign 100% of 12 Step Program over to them was immoral. Didn’t he protest?”
“No. He acted as if he got what he deserved. He might have complained, but not loudly. At the time, we really needed that $2,000. He almost seemed desperate to get it, like it was a proving point. When he saw the money going to Barb, he realized that maybe he’d been too hasty and swore he’d never make that mistake again. Twelve Step Program was the first song he’d ever written and so Bob was confident there would be more 12 Steps to come. He was optimistic, not bitter.”
After the split, Amanda saw Bob twice, both times in Chicago.
“The first time wasn’t that long after 12 Step Program, but long enough that radio wasn’t playing his latest singles,” she recalls. “The place was filled and The Steppers, four of them, looked happy and played well.
“the second was less happy,” Amanda continues. “The club was smaller and was more seedy. Although I recognized Luke, I didn’t know the other two guys. Bob was still in control and had the band delivering. He looked like hell, though. Possibly, he was drunk. Some of his between song intros were nonsense, he’d put on weight, seemed tired.
I hung out in the back and never let on I was there. I wanted to keep my distance.
“Why was I there? Bob Jansen was my first serious relationship. Hell, I even married the guy.
“I still liked him – at one time loved him – and wanted him to have the success he always craved. So, I watched his progress, or should I say his struggles, from a distance.
It wasn’t played often or for very long but I heard What Am I To Do Now That I’m Alone on the radio. I knew what that was about. It hurt a bit, but I think he understood why I left. It obviously hurt him, too; that whole break up.
A little while ago a band called, I think, Astral Freaks, did What Is Love at the end of a TV show. I hadn’t heard that since Bob sang the song and played acoustic guitar in our apartment. But I remembered it. I didn’t understand it then, but I sure got it years later. I cried. Bob was struggling to understand something that he could express only in a song. I wanted to see him then, reassure him, but it was too late.
“When he disappeared. I never knew how to follow him. Eventually, I stopped.
“Bob probably planned his Houdini act. He always was calculating and sometimes dramatically so.
“I’m caught between Bobby Fuller and Jim Morrison,” citing two controversial rock and roll deaths.
“Nobody really knows why Fuller was murdered, and his killers never were caught. Maybe Bob was murdered and his killer still is out there.”
Morrison fled the circus, went to Paris with his wife and died there. She died not long after. Nobody identified his body but he was buried anyway. That’s why some Doors fans think he’s still alive. Living as anonymously as possible.
“How do do that if you’re Jim Bleeding Morrison?” Amanda demands.
